You may not be interested in everything I have to say here, but I recorded some stuff from my first trimester mostly for my own journaling purposes, but also because I know my mom and sister will probably be interested. (and hopefully my child someday :)
Date: 4.14.09
Connel and I have been hinting to each other that maybe I might be pregnant. We've never directly said it but that's because if it's not true, we don't want to look like desperate idiots to each other, thinking that every little gag reflex and all the exhaustion and emotion that I am experiencing is just a figment of our imagination...
So, to put our imaginations at rest, I did a pregnancy test...and...
...
...
...It was positive!
I just sat there at first wondering if maybe it was a fluke, maybe I was hallucinating. Praying that I wasn't. "Maybe, I'll take another one." I thought, just to make sure. I didn't, I knew this was the real thing. I called the hubbs and started crying. The emotions today were very raw. Today was the due date for our miscarried baby. I told Connel that I wasn't going to take the test today, because if it turned out to be negative...then my day would suck doubly and entirely. But, if it was positive, I was afraid that this day of "reverence" for that child of our hearts would vanish, and we would forget all about her. I told him that I took it anyway and that it was positive and that I wanted to wait to tell him in a special and creative way but that I just had to tell him NOW! (all this was done through sniffles and tears and wailing and in one complete run on sentence...)
-----
(Now, we just have to keep it there. That is what brings me anxiety.)
So, I immediately called the doctor and asked well, what to I do next? Because last time I had to be on progesterone and my levels were low the whole time, etc. So I KNEW that I HAD to stay on progesterone, not just to keep me pregnant, but because that is what helped me get pregnant this time. Along with the metformin. She told me to go get a blood draw and I would hear back in a couple days. Those were the LONGEST. DAYS. OF. MY. LIFE. My HGC (pregnancy) levels were fine (not sure what fine indicates in this circumstance as it had not happened to me that often.) My progesterone levels were a fine. Sigh. of. relief. I have to go get another blood draw next week and I have an appointment on Wednesday, April 22 @ 1:00 PM!
I'm pregnant! Eeeeeeeeee!
______________
4.24.09
Two days ago we had our doctor appt. I was so nervous that we would go in for the ultrasound and something would be wrong. One of the first things I saw was a little blob. Nerves were calmed as we were shown a little flutter which was the heartbeat! If we go by how she measured the baby on the screen it showed that we are about 7 weeks along. If we go by the first day of my last period we are 7 weeks 6 days.
We got to talk to the doctor, who is awesome at answering all the questions we have. We are still so early and I can't tell you how nervous I still am about miscarriage. I didn't really let myself get that excited. Although, I couldn't really help it when they handed me my first ultrasound picture of our little baby! This was the first time we actually got sent home with the package of "baby stuff" like a little daiper (yay!) and some GIGANTIC prenatal pills...so that little bag of stuff made me more excited and hopeful too!
She had me take another blood test to check for progesterone levels. It came back lower than it should be, so now I am taking a progesterone supplement again. I am glad they did the blood test, my last doctor did not retest my levels, just put me on a supplement and let me go. This doctor seems to be really concerned and even if it isn't totally genuine, she acts like it and it still puts some of my fears at ease by testing and testing some more and keeping track of all my levels and concerns.
P.S. (I went back for another test a week later and my prog. levels are back up! Yay for supplements!)
______________
5.7.09
It has been awful at work. Maybe I'm just being a wimp but I feel sooo exhausted. Not just because of the pregnancy, but the child care center is having an accreditation team coming and everyone at work (including me) is so on edge. Not to mention that I have been working so hard to get my classrooms ready for it but I still do NOT feel ready! I have put in a ton of extra hours trying to get the school-agers classroom ready. Now that I am teaching 2 year olds and have only had about a month and a half in there to get the classroom and the routine and the lesson plans PerFECt! But, they are scheduled to come anytime between today and the 22nd. I shouldn't let it stress me out so much, but last night I could NOT sleep.
I woke up at about 2 AM and could not go back to sleep. I just kept thinking about all my lesson plans and my classroom and I was feeling a LARGE amount of ANXIETY about my pregnancy. Connel woke up at about 5 AM and I just started crying. He was like, "what in the world?" and I told him all that I was thinking and that I had been up for 3 hours. We talked about it for about 10 minutes and decided that it was just not that healthy if my job was causing me so much stress, especially now that I was pregnant and we were particularly concerned about stress and miscarriage, etc. We didn't really know if we were going to have a job at this point, Connel was still waiting to hear about his next location and his last day at the current job site was just a few weeks away. We were concerned, but, we decided that it was good timing to put in my two week notice anyway.
Then, Connel asked if I would like to have a blessing. Can I just tell you the relief and peace that I felt the moment that he said that to me? I knew that I needed one because I was just thinking the same thing.
There were three very important parts of the blessing that I want to remember.
1. "Peace, be still"--reiterated many times throughout the blessing.
2. When the pioneers were crossing the plains, there were hard times when they were lifted and carried, through that which they thought they could not bear, by angels. Just as the pioneers were carried by angels, angels have been and are carrying me. (I cannot tell you how true this is...)
3. This season of my life is about to come to a close.
The next Monday, I put in my 2 week notice, not knowing if Connel would still have a job or not. When I got home, Connel told me that he had been told that we were going to be transferred and that we would most likely be going back to Ohio...
...Walk by faith, not by sight.
We were not sure what was going to happen and Heavenly Father proved to be on our side once again (when is he not?!?!)
Whenever I start to feel anxious I just have to remember to have "peace" and "be still".
There was one day that I was feeling especially anxious and nervous and I was touched by the following scriptures:
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Phillipians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
_________________
5.12.09
I was so worried that the accreditation team would come to work on the day that I had my 10 week appt. and I would have to cancel. I am so nervous about missing my appointments. Luckily, while we were trying to get things worked out we ended up having the appt. switched to a day earlier! One less day of stress for me...that's always good. So this time, I was ten weeks but when I got to the doctor they said that according to the first day of my last period I was actually 11 weeks to the day...further along than I thought! (I thought I was only about 9 weeks 6 days weeks because when they did the ultrasound the last time the baby was measuring at 7 weeks, so when we calculated it out to the current day...well, you get the picture right? My cycle is so complicated anyway, so maybe we are not even that far along, who knows?)
Anyway, so we were happy to know that we are farther along than we originally thought and this is the furthest that I have gone being pregnant so our hopes keep getting higher! So we waited for what seemed like FOREVER in the waiting room. Then they called us back.
We got all ready to hear the heartbeat. When she put the little doppler on my tummy she pressed it around for a minute and then stopped. She told us that the beat we were hearing was the sound of the placenta. Then she kept moving the doppler around a little bit more, and then more, and then some more.
We couldn't find a heartbeat...
I'm sure if she would have put that little doppler thing on MY heart, it would NOT have made a sound. I am sure that my heart stopped.
My thoughts right about this moment were this: "We heard the placenta, so that's a good sign...something is in there...oh, please baby heart, just beat for me...oh c'mon, just find it!!!... I can't do this again...you can handle it, Laura, you can do this...just find the heartbeat...Heavenly Father, please."
Then she pulled in an ultrasound machine and started looking inside. Finally, and to our relief she showed us the cutest little alien that I've ever seen, and better yet...
...our baby had a fluttering little heart right in the middle of it's little chest...
Whew.
She told us it could be because the dates are off and the baby was just to little (so know we don't know how far along we are...) or that baby was hiding behind the placenta. What a trickster!
After the visit, I felt confident and so for the first time ever we decided to venture to Babies 'R' Us and look at baby cribs, bassinets, strollers, pack n play's, and every other little baby thing know to man. I say every little thing, because we didn't leave until we had covered every inch of the store! I could see what Connel's main concern is beginning to be...the cost! He had a little paper and pen and was writing down how much everything cost--I thought it was cute...just his providing daddy instincts coming out!
____________________
6.3.09
Today was our 3rd doctor appt. Today we heard the heartbeat! It was so awesome. I cannot even tell you how ridiculously nervous I was before this appointment.
The first thing she did was find the baby's heartbeat. It took her less than 10 seconds to find it and all my feelings of nervousness melted away (for the moment). I cried. It was a very happy moment for us...If not one of the happiest. It was like that little heart was beating just for us. I just wanted to lay there and listen to it all day long.
Everything went fine at the appointment. Wow. Nothing was wrong. Can you believe that?!?! She answered all my important questions, most of which had very obvious answers. I just love that she took the time. She is awesome. I will be sad to move* halfway through my pregnancy.
______________
6.8.09
I had a blood test to check my glucose and progesterone levels and they just called to tell me that my progesterone levels were fine-again! That is super important to me at this point because it means that I ONLY HAVE ONE MORE WEEK of progesterone. Which means that the doctor thinks that my uterus and the placenta can work to keep the baby there on it's own! Yeah! Go uterus! The glucose is low though, but that just means that I can stop taking the Metformin. We just have to hope that my levels will go up again after I am done.
Whew! I can seriously say that even though the pill taking is inconvenient and sometimes makes me gag... I am so grateful for Metformin and progesterone. They have helped me get and stay pregnant so far and I can't complain about that!!!
I have been majorly into knowing every little thing and making sure that I am doing everything right, I just know that the nurse practitioner is so annoyed with me calling and questioning everthing she does, but I don't care. I do not want to be naive about this whole thing. I want to know that I am doing everything right...after all it's my body and my baby right?
*Speaking of moving... Our time in Missouri has been extended and we are not moving until July or August. We are happy to stay in Missouri...because I have a fun branch and a very good doctor and Connel's job is treating him well here, but we are sad that we will not see our friends in Ohio as soon as we thought!
Date: 4.14.09
Connel and I have been hinting to each other that maybe I might be pregnant. We've never directly said it but that's because if it's not true, we don't want to look like desperate idiots to each other, thinking that every little gag reflex and all the exhaustion and emotion that I am experiencing is just a figment of our imagination...
So, to put our imaginations at rest, I did a pregnancy test...and...
...
...
...It was positive!
I just sat there at first wondering if maybe it was a fluke, maybe I was hallucinating. Praying that I wasn't. "Maybe, I'll take another one." I thought, just to make sure. I didn't, I knew this was the real thing. I called the hubbs and started crying. The emotions today were very raw. Today was the due date for our miscarried baby. I told Connel that I wasn't going to take the test today, because if it turned out to be negative...then my day would suck doubly and entirely. But, if it was positive, I was afraid that this day of "reverence" for that child of our hearts would vanish, and we would forget all about her. I told him that I took it anyway and that it was positive and that I wanted to wait to tell him in a special and creative way but that I just had to tell him NOW! (all this was done through sniffles and tears and wailing and in one complete run on sentence...)
-----
(Now, we just have to keep it there. That is what brings me anxiety.)
So, I immediately called the doctor and asked well, what to I do next? Because last time I had to be on progesterone and my levels were low the whole time, etc. So I KNEW that I HAD to stay on progesterone, not just to keep me pregnant, but because that is what helped me get pregnant this time. Along with the metformin. She told me to go get a blood draw and I would hear back in a couple days. Those were the LONGEST. DAYS. OF. MY. LIFE. My HGC (pregnancy) levels were fine (not sure what fine indicates in this circumstance as it had not happened to me that often.) My progesterone levels were a fine. Sigh. of. relief. I have to go get another blood draw next week and I have an appointment on Wednesday, April 22 @ 1:00 PM!
I'm pregnant! Eeeeeeeeee!
______________
4.24.09
Two days ago we had our doctor appt. I was so nervous that we would go in for the ultrasound and something would be wrong. One of the first things I saw was a little blob. Nerves were calmed as we were shown a little flutter which was the heartbeat! If we go by how she measured the baby on the screen it showed that we are about 7 weeks along. If we go by the first day of my last period we are 7 weeks 6 days.
We got to talk to the doctor, who is awesome at answering all the questions we have. We are still so early and I can't tell you how nervous I still am about miscarriage. I didn't really let myself get that excited. Although, I couldn't really help it when they handed me my first ultrasound picture of our little baby! This was the first time we actually got sent home with the package of "baby stuff" like a little daiper (yay!) and some GIGANTIC prenatal pills...so that little bag of stuff made me more excited and hopeful too!
She had me take another blood test to check for progesterone levels. It came back lower than it should be, so now I am taking a progesterone supplement again. I am glad they did the blood test, my last doctor did not retest my levels, just put me on a supplement and let me go. This doctor seems to be really concerned and even if it isn't totally genuine, she acts like it and it still puts some of my fears at ease by testing and testing some more and keeping track of all my levels and concerns.
P.S. (I went back for another test a week later and my prog. levels are back up! Yay for supplements!)
______________
5.7.09
It has been awful at work. Maybe I'm just being a wimp but I feel sooo exhausted. Not just because of the pregnancy, but the child care center is having an accreditation team coming and everyone at work (including me) is so on edge. Not to mention that I have been working so hard to get my classrooms ready for it but I still do NOT feel ready! I have put in a ton of extra hours trying to get the school-agers classroom ready. Now that I am teaching 2 year olds and have only had about a month and a half in there to get the classroom and the routine and the lesson plans PerFECt! But, they are scheduled to come anytime between today and the 22nd. I shouldn't let it stress me out so much, but last night I could NOT sleep.
I woke up at about 2 AM and could not go back to sleep. I just kept thinking about all my lesson plans and my classroom and I was feeling a LARGE amount of ANXIETY about my pregnancy. Connel woke up at about 5 AM and I just started crying. He was like, "what in the world?" and I told him all that I was thinking and that I had been up for 3 hours. We talked about it for about 10 minutes and decided that it was just not that healthy if my job was causing me so much stress, especially now that I was pregnant and we were particularly concerned about stress and miscarriage, etc. We didn't really know if we were going to have a job at this point, Connel was still waiting to hear about his next location and his last day at the current job site was just a few weeks away. We were concerned, but, we decided that it was good timing to put in my two week notice anyway.
Then, Connel asked if I would like to have a blessing. Can I just tell you the relief and peace that I felt the moment that he said that to me? I knew that I needed one because I was just thinking the same thing.
There were three very important parts of the blessing that I want to remember.
1. "Peace, be still"--reiterated many times throughout the blessing.
2. When the pioneers were crossing the plains, there were hard times when they were lifted and carried, through that which they thought they could not bear, by angels. Just as the pioneers were carried by angels, angels have been and are carrying me. (I cannot tell you how true this is...)
3. This season of my life is about to come to a close.
The next Monday, I put in my 2 week notice, not knowing if Connel would still have a job or not. When I got home, Connel told me that he had been told that we were going to be transferred and that we would most likely be going back to Ohio...
...Walk by faith, not by sight.
We were not sure what was going to happen and Heavenly Father proved to be on our side once again (when is he not?!?!)
Whenever I start to feel anxious I just have to remember to have "peace" and "be still".
There was one day that I was feeling especially anxious and nervous and I was touched by the following scriptures:
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Phillipians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
_________________
5.12.09
I was so worried that the accreditation team would come to work on the day that I had my 10 week appt. and I would have to cancel. I am so nervous about missing my appointments. Luckily, while we were trying to get things worked out we ended up having the appt. switched to a day earlier! One less day of stress for me...that's always good. So this time, I was ten weeks but when I got to the doctor they said that according to the first day of my last period I was actually 11 weeks to the day...further along than I thought! (I thought I was only about 9 weeks 6 days weeks because when they did the ultrasound the last time the baby was measuring at 7 weeks, so when we calculated it out to the current day...well, you get the picture right? My cycle is so complicated anyway, so maybe we are not even that far along, who knows?)
Anyway, so we were happy to know that we are farther along than we originally thought and this is the furthest that I have gone being pregnant so our hopes keep getting higher! So we waited for what seemed like FOREVER in the waiting room. Then they called us back.
We got all ready to hear the heartbeat. When she put the little doppler on my tummy she pressed it around for a minute and then stopped. She told us that the beat we were hearing was the sound of the placenta. Then she kept moving the doppler around a little bit more, and then more, and then some more.
We couldn't find a heartbeat...
I'm sure if she would have put that little doppler thing on MY heart, it would NOT have made a sound. I am sure that my heart stopped.
My thoughts right about this moment were this: "We heard the placenta, so that's a good sign...something is in there...oh, please baby heart, just beat for me...oh c'mon, just find it!!!... I can't do this again...you can handle it, Laura, you can do this...just find the heartbeat...Heavenly Father, please."
Then she pulled in an ultrasound machine and started looking inside. Finally, and to our relief she showed us the cutest little alien that I've ever seen, and better yet...
...our baby had a fluttering little heart right in the middle of it's little chest...
Whew.
She told us it could be because the dates are off and the baby was just to little (so know we don't know how far along we are...) or that baby was hiding behind the placenta. What a trickster!
After the visit, I felt confident and so for the first time ever we decided to venture to Babies 'R' Us and look at baby cribs, bassinets, strollers, pack n play's, and every other little baby thing know to man. I say every little thing, because we didn't leave until we had covered every inch of the store! I could see what Connel's main concern is beginning to be...the cost! He had a little paper and pen and was writing down how much everything cost--I thought it was cute...just his providing daddy instincts coming out!
____________________
6.3.09
Today was our 3rd doctor appt. Today we heard the heartbeat! It was so awesome. I cannot even tell you how ridiculously nervous I was before this appointment.
The first thing she did was find the baby's heartbeat. It took her less than 10 seconds to find it and all my feelings of nervousness melted away (for the moment). I cried. It was a very happy moment for us...If not one of the happiest. It was like that little heart was beating just for us. I just wanted to lay there and listen to it all day long.
Everything went fine at the appointment. Wow. Nothing was wrong. Can you believe that?!?! She answered all my important questions, most of which had very obvious answers. I just love that she took the time. She is awesome. I will be sad to move* halfway through my pregnancy.
______________
6.8.09
I had a blood test to check my glucose and progesterone levels and they just called to tell me that my progesterone levels were fine-again! That is super important to me at this point because it means that I ONLY HAVE ONE MORE WEEK of progesterone. Which means that the doctor thinks that my uterus and the placenta can work to keep the baby there on it's own! Yeah! Go uterus! The glucose is low though, but that just means that I can stop taking the Metformin. We just have to hope that my levels will go up again after I am done.
Whew! I can seriously say that even though the pill taking is inconvenient and sometimes makes me gag... I am so grateful for Metformin and progesterone. They have helped me get and stay pregnant so far and I can't complain about that!!!
I have been majorly into knowing every little thing and making sure that I am doing everything right, I just know that the nurse practitioner is so annoyed with me calling and questioning everthing she does, but I don't care. I do not want to be naive about this whole thing. I want to know that I am doing everything right...after all it's my body and my baby right?
*Speaking of moving... Our time in Missouri has been extended and we are not moving until July or August. We are happy to stay in Missouri...because I have a fun branch and a very good doctor and Connel's job is treating him well here, but we are sad that we will not see our friends in Ohio as soon as we thought!
9 comments:
I am so glad that you have posted this journal Laura. I know we are not as close as we used to be(which makes me sad) but, I am very interested in knowing everything that goes on. I am so happy that you and the baby are doing so well. I hope you continue to post your journal.
Isn't modern medicine amazing? I just feel so lucky to be alive during this time. The things they can do and fix is incredible to me. Can't wait to hear how your next appt goes-I wish I was there with you, but only a couple months until I get to see you. By the way, I still need to call and get your mom's number from you...I need to remember to do that. You know how my brain is though. Spacy. So don't let me forget!!
You made me cry. I remember feeling the same way with Hallie when I heard her heartbeat for the first time. I am so glad you have a good doctor who listens to your concerns. I will continue to hope and pray that everything goes ok for you.
Laura how wonderful for you. I will continue to pray that your baby stays nice and strong. Keep posting cute baby bump pictures!!! You guys are wonderful, I hope you two are doing well. :)
love Justin and Courtney
You are so sweet. I couldn't be happier for anyone than you and Connell right now.
ashley skifton
This is so sweet! Having a journal while you are pregnant is great! I am soooo happy for you! The spirit is so wonderful in letting you know what is best to do. (I did the same thing with my job- I had to quit because of the stress,but after it was wonderful!)
I am so happy for you guys and I love your journal because you know I want to know EVERY LITTLE DETAIL. I think about you every day and having this post to read is awesome. I can't wait to meet your little one. Love you.
I have tears for you...I'm so happy....I wondered when I saw on my sidebar that your latest post was titled 15 weeks...I was like oh please be pregnant! I love reading all about your first trimester because I think it's great for posterity and you to read back when you have more children. By the way I never used the word preggo or preggers before...I prefer pregnant, etc. too
i LOVED this post. It was great. I also kept a journal of this last pregnancy (to remind me how AWFUL it was :) Hehe. Anyway, I actually made a separate blog for it..that way, if I ever want to do a book, it'll be pretty easy!
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